Lying on our queen size bed I had a thought. I glanced at the clock beside me and winced. The odds were against me; she was running late. Granted, the kids were out the door, breakfast was made to perfection, and last night…well last night was amazing. Remembering last night made my current thought feel all the more attainable, and I had to try.
I stripped down on the way to our bathroom door, starting with my socks. The carpet was still as bouncy as the day it was installed. A miracle. How many times had we dragged our feet along this very path, from the bed to the bathroom, in the early mornings? Too many times. Too many times for the fibers beneath my toes to feel at all sensational. I’d have to commend her for choosing the Loop carpet when I wanted Saxony. But not now.
I stood outside the bathroom door with a hand on either side of the frame, listening. The sound of the shower was inviting, warm. It was made all the more alluring by the fact that I was bare as could be. The sudden splash of water falling in large droplets to the ground almost had me knocking down the door.
On turning the knob, I was surprised to find it locked. Who did she think would be walking in? With the kids off to school, there was only me. Was it out of habit, or did she anticipate such a move on my part? The odds were definitely against me if that were the case. I expected to use the element of surprise to entice the not-so-easily-enticed. The knob itself was not a problem. With a little pressure and a quick turn, the lock gave way.
I was greeted with a flood of humidity. The large mirror stretching across her sink and mine was completely fogged over. The glass shower door was foggy as well, except, by some stroke of fate, in one spot furthest from the streaming spout. Through that clear pane, with her back to me, stood the object of my affection. With her arms raised to her head her shoulder blades looked like the wings of an angel. The foam of her shampoo left a white trail along her spine that trickled straight down into the opaque portion of the glass.
She turned around and spotted me, startled at first, then annoyed. My face gave me away. “I can’t,” she said, “Not today.”
I was on the other side of the glass, under the warm water with her before she could say anything more. It smelled nice; like Girl Shower.
“Give me one good reason why not today,” I said, wiping the shampoo from her forehead with my thumbs before it could go in her eyes.
“There are a million reasons why not. Give me one good reason why we should.”
I shrugged. She was so cute when she was irritated. “Carpe diem?” How about, because you’re beautiful?
“We can seize the night,” she pleaded, “The day is for working.”
“Mmm,” I murmured against her throat, “I knew I should have been a male prostitute.”
She laughed, and whatever organs were behind my abdomen melted. Her eyes never left mine as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair. I absently stroked the long scar across her stomach. That was the most beautiful scar in the world. Forty-eight stitches. Forty-eight little reminders of the scariest, happiest day of my life. The day our twin children joined us in this world. Venus herself could not compare to the woman before me. Even the purple bruise-like marks under her eyes were pretty reminders of “seizing the night” and getting very little sleep.
We switched sides as she reached around for the conditioner. This placed me directly under the shower head, which felt nice, but made it harder to see her face.
“Did it occur to you that I take showers to get clean, not dirty?” Her bell-like voice rang out to me.
“The thought did cross my mind; especially when the door was locked.”
“The door was locked?” She sounded confused. So it was out of habit. The outlook was still bleak however, she had that set look on her face.
“It’s cold out there, baby, don’t send me away.” I tried pouting just a little bit. Experience told me she was partial to this face.
It seemed to work. She kissed my lips and then my chest and moved slowly…down. And then shock rippled through me as the water rapidly turned ice cold. I flung the shower door aside and tripped, scrambling out of the tub. My wife was crouched down, beside herself with laughter as I figured out that she was responsible for the temperature change. Even through the bitterness I thought this creature was beautiful with her hand over her mouth and her eyes shut tight, clutching the side of the tub and shaking with laughter.
I reached over and turned the knob back to warm so she wouldn’t freeze.
“That was cruel,” I said when she was a little more in control of herself.
“I’m sorry, hon. I didn’t think you’d…” And she was off laughing again. The tile floor was really cold, despite the warmth of the air. I stood up, as did she. Her eyes were apologetic as she observed me. I felt a little disoriented. She tossed me a towel.
“Saturday we can shower all…day…long,” she promised. Somewhere in the back of my mind I considered the water bill for such an occasion and I knew she had won.
“And until then?”
“Porn,” she said flatly. I snorted. That was a fruitless cause. Every time I tried I only ended up looking at pictures of her.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and left the bathroom. Let her take her shower. Let her keep her job. Let us keep our house…and our bed, (which was looking very warm in the cold room.) I reached down for my pants, but another hand beat me there. I spun around as soft arms circled my waist.
“I changed my mind.” She kissed me with such ferocity that I was barely able to get out my next words.
“Damn you, woman,” I grunted as we hit the mattress.
While lying there on our queen size bed I had a thought…The water is still running in the shower.
Oh, and, I love to love the woman in my arms.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Vindication for Jenna
Dan lay on top of Jenna moving back and forth, grunting. She stared at his blank face. His mouth hung open dumbly while his eyes stared fixedly at some point to the right of her head. Jenna could have rolled her eyes and he wouldn’t have noticed; so she did.
When he was finished, Dan rolled over on his back, taking the right side of the bed that he always claimed.
“God I missed you girl,” he huffed. Jenna gave him a small, weak smile that went over-looked anyway. She turned her back to him and pulled her knees up to her chest. The stars outside the large window in Dan’s room held her attention for just a minute. Before long Jenna’s mind had wandered towards someone who, at this time, was just as miserable as her. She turned around on impulse to face Dan.
“I cheated on you while you were away.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to face her. It was the first time he really looked at her in hours. Twenty-four seconds later he said, “What?”
“I had sex with someone else while you were California,” she said calmly with only a hint of smugness. Dan thought vaguely of the cute blonde he’d gotten stoned with on the beach one night in Cali. Another more important thought seized him.
“With who?”
Jenna stared back into his dark brown eyes while she thought about whether or not to tell the truth. Even though she was looking at brown eyes, all she saw was a pair of blue ones. Her decision was made for her.
“Michael,” she breathed. His name was like a breath of fresh air. Michael, the only kind person living in this house. Michael, whom I never really saw before you left. Michael, who changed everything while you were off on some internship that I begged you not to take.
Within seconds Dan was out of bed and pulling on sweatpants. Jenna pulled her underwear on in one fluid motion, but was still twelve steps behind by the time she pulled one of Dan’s dirty t-shirts over her head. They thudded noisily down the grand staircase, not caring who they awoke. Dan’s goal was clear in his head, but Jenna’s wasn’t as solid. She wasn’t running after Dan to protect Michael. He was stronger than Dan, and was used to fighting for things while Dan was handed everything. No, it wasn’t to protect him. Jenna’s primary motive was desire. She simply wanted to be with Michael.
***
Dan’s parents never questioned Jenna’s presence at their house during their son’s absence. To them she was a lost puppy, a pet of Dan’s. Maybe they wrote it off as her not knowing what else to do with her life, or maybe they just didn’t care. That was the more likely option. They hardly cared about their own son, why should they care about his poor, t-shirt wearing girlfriend? In any case, the house was big enough for her to never get in their way and that was all that mattered.
Jenna did stay away at first. She wasn’t so uncivilized as to come over uninvited. But she was invited. Michael, the quiet boy living in Dan’s house that she’d only previously seen in passing, had struck up a friendship with her. He had seen her at the library many days in a row looking, not lost, but lonely. Jenna had seen him too, but never thought anything of it, except to finally have solved the mystery of where he spent all of his time. It wasn’t until Michael saw her crying over a novel that he finally decided to approach her.
Weeks passed in the library like years aboard a ship traveling towards some unknown destination. The two talked about everything from the past to the future, but it wasn’t until a bond of trust was formed between them that either mentioned the present.
Jenna was curious about how Michael came to be living with Dan’s family. She was surprised by the simplicity of the situation. Michael was in his sophomore year of college and, paying for everything on his own, decided it would be cheaper to commute. His father was an old friend of Dan’s father who heard about his situation and took Michael in at a reduced rental fee. Michael was in the library all the time studying.
As it turns out, Jenna’s involvement with Dan turned out to be harder to explain. She wouldn’t have brought it up at all but Michael, who never openly said a bad word about the family he boarded with, was insanely curious as to why anyone would be involved with them by choice. She didn’t have a real answer for him.
One day Jenna broke down in a fit of frustration and admitted for the first time to anyone what she really thought of sex. Michael sat there with his chin in his hand and a crease between his eyebrows. He didn’t say a word or take his eyes off her. Jenna felt a little nervous, but found that once she started ranting she couldn’t stop. When she was finished she just sat there, out of breath, and waited for him to say something. After a few moments, Michael asked, “Jenna, was Dan your first?” She answered meekly that, yes, he was. That was the day Jenna learned what sex really was, what it was really meant to be. And for the first time ever, she attached the words “making love” to the act.
***
Jenna descended the last of the basement stairs to find that Dan faced a locked door. The pounding was enough to wake the neighbors, and then there was the yelling on top of it. Jenna wasn’t surprised to see a light turn on at the top of the stairs. They heard a lock turn and the door opened. There stood Michael in his boxers just as bare-chested as Dan. Before Jenna could fully take in the sight of him, Dan lunged. He got in maybe one good punch before Michael responded. All the while, the two were screaming at each other.
“You asshole! How dare you fuck my girlfriend! She’s mine! D’you hear me?!”
“She’s not yours! She’s not anybody’s!”
“I’m gonna kill you!”
“She’s too good for you! You don’t even love her!”
“And like you do?”
“Yeah!”
Jenna felt her already racing heart jump a little inside her. It looked to be a good thing for Dan that his Dad swooped in when he did to pull them apart.
“What’s going on down here,” Dan’s mom asked as she fastened her robe more tightly around her waist.
“He was screwing my girlfriend behind my back!” Dan yelled.
Dan’s father turned to Michael. “Is that true?”
“I wouldn’t choose those words,” Michael said angrily.
“Michael?”
“Yes, sir. It’s true.”
Dan’s face turned red all over again. His father just sighed and said, “Yeah…well.” He stepped out from between the boys and headed for the stairs without looking at Jenna. “Dan, go back to bed,” he said over his shoulder. Dan shot one more enraged look at Michael and, like his father, climbed the stairs without looking at Jenna. His mother gave her an icy look, but said nothing and followed her husband and son.
Jenna wondered if Dan’s father would kick Michael out after this. She decided that, no, he wouldn’t. Michael was responsible and paid his rent on time, sometimes even over-paying. Most importantly, he was hardly ever around, and therefore never in the man’s way. The petty squabbling of teenagers over some girl were none of his concern; especially a girl who was not financially or socially worth fighting over.
Dan and his family took all the tension with them, leaving Jenna and Michael and a sense of relief behind. Jenna smiled at Michael and whispered, “Sorry.” His returning smile was ear-to-ear.
“You told him,” he stated.
“Yeah, I guess I did.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I slept with him,” she whispered into his bare chest.
“Would you call it sex?”
“No, not like it is with us.”
“Well if it wasn’t really sex to you, then you didn’t really sleep with him.” Jenna lifted her head gratefully and Michael kissed her for real.
“Would you understand if I told you I have to go talk to him?”
“Yes.”
Michael released her with some reluctance and she ascended the dark stairs in search of Dan. She found him outside on the front porch smoking a cigarette. She sat down beside him and said, “You don’t smoke.” Dan ignored her at first and then changed his mind.
“I’m out of weed,” he said. Jenna nodded and waited for him to say more. “I wouldn’t take you for a cheater.”
“It wasn’t for sex. Michael and I had more of a relationship in the two months you were away than you and I had in the entire year we were together.”
“Gee, Jen, that sure makes me feel a lot better,” Dan said sarcastically, still looking straight ahead, still smoking his cigarette.
“I’m not trying to make you feel better.”
“Ouch.”
“I just want you to understand why.”
“You can’t tell me it wasn’t about the sex; it’s always about the sex. Was he really that much better than me?”
“Yes.” That caught his attention. Dan turned his head slowly in her direction. He wore a very disgusted look. “You’re not a very compassionate lover, Daniel. You never considered how I might feel--” Dan opened his mouth to argue. “No! Listen to me for once!” And he did. He listened to every word Jenna had to say about how she felt, not only about sex, but about their relationship, and even about…Michael. He winced through her insults and rolled his eyes at some points, but in the end he understood.
“Wow,” Dan said, a little appalled by everything Jenna had said. Jenna felt a wild sense of relief wash over her. “So what now,” Dan asked.
Jenna thought about it for a minute then said, “Now you let me be happy, and I hope you find someone you think is worth it to love right.”
“Okay,” Dan said glumly.
“Okay?” Jenna smiled at him.
“Okay,” he said more firmly.
Dan nodded slowly while putting out his fourth and final cigarette. They went back into the house and parted in the foyer. Dan ascended the marble stairs to his room while Jenna took the carpeted basement stairs towards Michael.
Michael, who had changed everything.
When he was finished, Dan rolled over on his back, taking the right side of the bed that he always claimed.
“God I missed you girl,” he huffed. Jenna gave him a small, weak smile that went over-looked anyway. She turned her back to him and pulled her knees up to her chest. The stars outside the large window in Dan’s room held her attention for just a minute. Before long Jenna’s mind had wandered towards someone who, at this time, was just as miserable as her. She turned around on impulse to face Dan.
“I cheated on you while you were away.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to face her. It was the first time he really looked at her in hours. Twenty-four seconds later he said, “What?”
“I had sex with someone else while you were California,” she said calmly with only a hint of smugness. Dan thought vaguely of the cute blonde he’d gotten stoned with on the beach one night in Cali. Another more important thought seized him.
“With who?”
Jenna stared back into his dark brown eyes while she thought about whether or not to tell the truth. Even though she was looking at brown eyes, all she saw was a pair of blue ones. Her decision was made for her.
“Michael,” she breathed. His name was like a breath of fresh air. Michael, the only kind person living in this house. Michael, whom I never really saw before you left. Michael, who changed everything while you were off on some internship that I begged you not to take.
Within seconds Dan was out of bed and pulling on sweatpants. Jenna pulled her underwear on in one fluid motion, but was still twelve steps behind by the time she pulled one of Dan’s dirty t-shirts over her head. They thudded noisily down the grand staircase, not caring who they awoke. Dan’s goal was clear in his head, but Jenna’s wasn’t as solid. She wasn’t running after Dan to protect Michael. He was stronger than Dan, and was used to fighting for things while Dan was handed everything. No, it wasn’t to protect him. Jenna’s primary motive was desire. She simply wanted to be with Michael.
***
Dan’s parents never questioned Jenna’s presence at their house during their son’s absence. To them she was a lost puppy, a pet of Dan’s. Maybe they wrote it off as her not knowing what else to do with her life, or maybe they just didn’t care. That was the more likely option. They hardly cared about their own son, why should they care about his poor, t-shirt wearing girlfriend? In any case, the house was big enough for her to never get in their way and that was all that mattered.
Jenna did stay away at first. She wasn’t so uncivilized as to come over uninvited. But she was invited. Michael, the quiet boy living in Dan’s house that she’d only previously seen in passing, had struck up a friendship with her. He had seen her at the library many days in a row looking, not lost, but lonely. Jenna had seen him too, but never thought anything of it, except to finally have solved the mystery of where he spent all of his time. It wasn’t until Michael saw her crying over a novel that he finally decided to approach her.
Weeks passed in the library like years aboard a ship traveling towards some unknown destination. The two talked about everything from the past to the future, but it wasn’t until a bond of trust was formed between them that either mentioned the present.
Jenna was curious about how Michael came to be living with Dan’s family. She was surprised by the simplicity of the situation. Michael was in his sophomore year of college and, paying for everything on his own, decided it would be cheaper to commute. His father was an old friend of Dan’s father who heard about his situation and took Michael in at a reduced rental fee. Michael was in the library all the time studying.
As it turns out, Jenna’s involvement with Dan turned out to be harder to explain. She wouldn’t have brought it up at all but Michael, who never openly said a bad word about the family he boarded with, was insanely curious as to why anyone would be involved with them by choice. She didn’t have a real answer for him.
One day Jenna broke down in a fit of frustration and admitted for the first time to anyone what she really thought of sex. Michael sat there with his chin in his hand and a crease between his eyebrows. He didn’t say a word or take his eyes off her. Jenna felt a little nervous, but found that once she started ranting she couldn’t stop. When she was finished she just sat there, out of breath, and waited for him to say something. After a few moments, Michael asked, “Jenna, was Dan your first?” She answered meekly that, yes, he was. That was the day Jenna learned what sex really was, what it was really meant to be. And for the first time ever, she attached the words “making love” to the act.
***
Jenna descended the last of the basement stairs to find that Dan faced a locked door. The pounding was enough to wake the neighbors, and then there was the yelling on top of it. Jenna wasn’t surprised to see a light turn on at the top of the stairs. They heard a lock turn and the door opened. There stood Michael in his boxers just as bare-chested as Dan. Before Jenna could fully take in the sight of him, Dan lunged. He got in maybe one good punch before Michael responded. All the while, the two were screaming at each other.
“You asshole! How dare you fuck my girlfriend! She’s mine! D’you hear me?!”
“She’s not yours! She’s not anybody’s!”
“I’m gonna kill you!”
“She’s too good for you! You don’t even love her!”
“And like you do?”
“Yeah!”
Jenna felt her already racing heart jump a little inside her. It looked to be a good thing for Dan that his Dad swooped in when he did to pull them apart.
“What’s going on down here,” Dan’s mom asked as she fastened her robe more tightly around her waist.
“He was screwing my girlfriend behind my back!” Dan yelled.
Dan’s father turned to Michael. “Is that true?”
“I wouldn’t choose those words,” Michael said angrily.
“Michael?”
“Yes, sir. It’s true.”
Dan’s face turned red all over again. His father just sighed and said, “Yeah…well.” He stepped out from between the boys and headed for the stairs without looking at Jenna. “Dan, go back to bed,” he said over his shoulder. Dan shot one more enraged look at Michael and, like his father, climbed the stairs without looking at Jenna. His mother gave her an icy look, but said nothing and followed her husband and son.
Jenna wondered if Dan’s father would kick Michael out after this. She decided that, no, he wouldn’t. Michael was responsible and paid his rent on time, sometimes even over-paying. Most importantly, he was hardly ever around, and therefore never in the man’s way. The petty squabbling of teenagers over some girl were none of his concern; especially a girl who was not financially or socially worth fighting over.
Dan and his family took all the tension with them, leaving Jenna and Michael and a sense of relief behind. Jenna smiled at Michael and whispered, “Sorry.” His returning smile was ear-to-ear.
“You told him,” he stated.
“Yeah, I guess I did.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I slept with him,” she whispered into his bare chest.
“Would you call it sex?”
“No, not like it is with us.”
“Well if it wasn’t really sex to you, then you didn’t really sleep with him.” Jenna lifted her head gratefully and Michael kissed her for real.
“Would you understand if I told you I have to go talk to him?”
“Yes.”
Michael released her with some reluctance and she ascended the dark stairs in search of Dan. She found him outside on the front porch smoking a cigarette. She sat down beside him and said, “You don’t smoke.” Dan ignored her at first and then changed his mind.
“I’m out of weed,” he said. Jenna nodded and waited for him to say more. “I wouldn’t take you for a cheater.”
“It wasn’t for sex. Michael and I had more of a relationship in the two months you were away than you and I had in the entire year we were together.”
“Gee, Jen, that sure makes me feel a lot better,” Dan said sarcastically, still looking straight ahead, still smoking his cigarette.
“I’m not trying to make you feel better.”
“Ouch.”
“I just want you to understand why.”
“You can’t tell me it wasn’t about the sex; it’s always about the sex. Was he really that much better than me?”
“Yes.” That caught his attention. Dan turned his head slowly in her direction. He wore a very disgusted look. “You’re not a very compassionate lover, Daniel. You never considered how I might feel--” Dan opened his mouth to argue. “No! Listen to me for once!” And he did. He listened to every word Jenna had to say about how she felt, not only about sex, but about their relationship, and even about…Michael. He winced through her insults and rolled his eyes at some points, but in the end he understood.
“Wow,” Dan said, a little appalled by everything Jenna had said. Jenna felt a wild sense of relief wash over her. “So what now,” Dan asked.
Jenna thought about it for a minute then said, “Now you let me be happy, and I hope you find someone you think is worth it to love right.”
“Okay,” Dan said glumly.
“Okay?” Jenna smiled at him.
“Okay,” he said more firmly.
Dan nodded slowly while putting out his fourth and final cigarette. They went back into the house and parted in the foyer. Dan ascended the marble stairs to his room while Jenna took the carpeted basement stairs towards Michael.
Michael, who had changed everything.
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